Wednesday, July 27, 2011

"First Page Friday" Critique

No, it's not Friday, but two Fridays back my first page was featured on Julie Bellon's weekly fun-filled blog event. It's called, yes, you figured it out--First Page Friday.

There brazen writers with absolutely no pride, or too much of it, can submit to the mercy of the anonymous Shreditor who will critique that first page for you.

If you've got a few moments to fill (kill), like you're waiting for your toast to pop up or you're on hold with the cable company (well, in that case, more than a few moments) or you're waiting for your child to obey and finally take out the garbage (okay, forget that, it's not going to happen) then check out the link and read my first page. Then read the critique and the comments and find out all the things I need to change about said first page.

Believe me, it will be more fun than you can shake a computer keyboard at.


Patty Ann said...

Oh, you are very, very brave!!

Julie Coulter Bellon said...

I hope you found it helpful! I appreciate all the writers who submit because I think it helps all of us learn our craft.

Thanks again!

Marilyn said...

I know nothing about writing a novel or even about writing a comment, but I thought you did a great job! Can't wait for the whole book to get done and published.

Todd said...

Anonymous supplied a suggested opening and here's my critique of her suggestion:

I don't like the first line starting off with "Taryn (did something)...", ie. "Taryn read the first name on the list..." I like your way of first posing what are obviously a character's thoughts (not an omniscient author's thoughts) and soon revealing who is thinking those thoughts.

Also, references to Blake are overdone in the suggested opening. Remove the first reference (--not even Blake) and you have just enough to intrigue the reader about who this Blake is and what connection he might have to Taryn.

I liked your "first page", though I agree that the term "screen-sized" is ambiguous. Do you mean a computer screen, TV screen, projector screen, or movie screen?


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